There is a Toenail in the Tub

I was bathing the dachshunds in my tub the other day - and Delano pulled his usual frantic "ESCAPE! THIS WATER IS ACTUALLY ACID AND IS BURNING ALL OF MY SKIN OFF! I'M DYYYIIINGGG!!!!" routine.

I wrapped him up in a towel and started drying, turned around the grab the shampoo from the tub and there was a toenail laying in the bottom of the tub. I believe my brain said "Ho-ly Shit." I began frantically checking dachshund toes - even though I was 99 percent sure that it was Delano - Bean doesn't act like a spaz like Delano does.

Sure enough - there is a toenail missing from one of Delano's back feet. Shit. Blood freaking everywhere. We call the vet - to see what we should do - and the lady at the vet office said they were just "slammed with emergencies." If we wanted Delano seen - it would be a while.

I worked as a vet-tech a couple years ago - so I asked if there was anything that I could do. She said that all that they would really do was stop the bleeding, remove any extra nail if he didn't get it all off, and that is it. If he wouldn't leave it alone - he would have to wear one of those lovely cones so he didn't bug it.

Well - I happen to have one of those crazy collars and blood doesn't scare me or anything - so I sat cross-legged on the deck, with a shaking dog on my lap until the bleeding slowed. We tried to bandage it twice, but he walked out of it - so that was shot. And he would not stop licking it - so he is wearing a beautiful cone on his head. Which he is terrified of.

Here is the thing about Delano. He is terrified of his own shadow. Too much attention makes him piddle. He hides under the bed or behind the couch a lot. He prefers for you to rub him with your feet - because hands are just too much attention. It took him months to figure out that glass was, in fact, solid. he is the sweetest damn dog, but not so bright.

Now our house is filled with the sounds of the cone bouncing off the walls, Delano yipping when he moves wrong, and Pants squealing happily chasing an impaired Delano around. Delano could just just hop up on the couch where he is safe - but he is scared - because of the cone - so he doesn't.

It is going to be a long couple of days for that poor dog.

My Name is Gentry and I Have a Problem

Last weekend Nook had a sale.

It was 50% off of every one of their 1,000 bestsellers. 

WHAT!?!?!?!

I started clicking so fast that it sounds like a woodpecker had gotten into some cocaine. 

Clickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclickclick. 

I thankfully came out of my craze before I spent every single cent I had. I spent 60 bucks in about .458 seconds on 15 books. 

I abstained for the 40 others that I wanted. 

My name is Gentry and I am a book-a-holic. 

The Lost Hero

Today's book is The Lost Hero by Rick Riordan. It is the first in The Heroes of Olympus series.

(Will probably have some spoilers.)

I have not read the Percy Jackson series. I probably should have - there are apparently many overlapping characters, whom it is just kind of assumed that you know. There is also the whole Greek and Roman mythology thing that I am not completely familiar with - it was just kind of assumed that you had read the previous series and would be well versed in the god/demi-god/greek/roman myths. It was not hard to catch up though.

This is the story of Jason Grace - who just wakes up one day on a bus on the way to a delinquent camp and has no idea who he is. He has a girl holding his hand and a guy talking his ear off - but no memories of who they are or how they got there. About 10 minutes after they arrive at this camp - they are attacked by storm spirits, or venti, and saved at the last minutes by Jason's skill from who knows where - and some kids from Camp Half-Blood. Camp Half-Blood is where children of Greek Gods and mortals go to learn to channel their powers.

Jason ends up being the son of Zeus (or the Roman Jupiter) and finds out that Hera (Juno) has been captured and they have to free her before Gaea brings all the evil things back from the underworld and destroys the Gods. His friends, Leo and Piper, end up being ridiculously powerful demi-gods themselves and end up helping Jason in his quest. They are challenged at every step, and of course - end of saving the day- for now.

We learn at the end that Percy Jackson was sent to the Roman camp that Jason was from, without his memory. They are supposed to bring both sides together for the ultimate battle coming up with Porphyrion - the King of Giants.

I liked this book. I thought it was fine. I think my main issue with it was that I am used to reading books toward an older audience. This story is just so linear - its so simple. You see what is coming a mile away - and even all the bad guys that they face are formulaic. Its see bad guy + realize how much more powerful they are - two demi-gods because they get hurt = one of the three rising amazingly to the occasion and saving them all at the last moment! Then! Just when you think its safe! Oh no! Repeat.

Except the last battle of course - they all have to work together - the parts are stronger than the whole and they win the day.

It was fine, pretty fun, easy to read. I am very intrigued as to how they will bring the two camps together - I think that has the most potential for me.  The rest will probably be like this story - predictable but fun. I'll read, and I'll be looking forward to when the little man is big enough to read them. I can see a boy around 8-10 would really like these stories.

Kicking, Screaming, Yelling and More Kicking

We did it - we survived our first public tantrum.

Pants is figuring his voice out. Most of the time - this is hilarious and wonderful. He talks constantly, he tells stories and jokes, which of course we can't understand. We can tell the difference though, because he chuckles after he tells a joke. He says "please" and "puppy". 

Now other times - it is ear-splitting. He has this high pitched screech. He yells, he bosses. If he says "please" which sounds a whole lot like peas - and you do not immediately hand over whatever it is that he asked for - he screams at you. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" he will say. Then he may add another "please" in there, you know, since he has your full undivided attention now. 

He is figuring out that his voice has power. He can make us do things - give him things. Pants is like any little tyrant though, and hates being told no. I don't like it either - but you don't see me screaming in the face of the lady at Sears because she won't let me have that boysenberry Kitchen-aide Mixer for 25 bucks. To be fair - I haven't tried it. I am pretty sure I am aware of the outcome there, though, 

This means that we are starting to throw fits now. Normally this is not a big deal, at home we can ignore the fit until he calms down. 

But when we are at a birthday party...

Hooo boy. 

Rolling around in the grass, kicking, screaming, yelling, more kicking. All the other parents watching. Holy shit that is embarrassing. We finally just scooped him up - stuck him in the car - and went home about an hour early. 

I got a glimpse of the future. It's a little scary. I see lots of leaving early in my future. 

Well, this sucks.

Warning - this is not a happy or funny post.

I was pregnant. For two days. And now I am not anymore.

TJ and I have been trying for another baby. Tuesday was my birthday and I thought it would be kind of neat if I found out that I was pregnant on my birthday. I took a test and I saw a line - it was soooo light that I was sure I was imagining it. So the next day I took a digital test - and sure enough - PREGNANT! We were thrilled.

And then today - I was feeling a little crampy - went to the bathroom - and blood. Lots of it. I am not pregnant. Anymore? After all? I don't even really know what to say there.

It is stupid. I should not be so sad. I should not be so upset. Technically this is the day that I was supposed to start my period. So if I wouldn't have taken a pregnancy test - I would have never known. It would have just been another month where we would say "Damn - better luck next month."

But I did take the test. For two days, I imagined another little Pants. I mentally moved furniture, decorated a nursery, wondered boy or girl, wondered how he was going to handle being a big brother, saw Pants and new baby playing together - basically all of the things that parents do when they know a baby is coming.

I'm sad. I'm really sad. I'm mad. I'm disappointed. I feel guilty - like I could have maybe done something different. I know, logically, that I wasn't truly pregnant. It is what they call a chemical pregnancy, where there probably was fertilization, but it never implanted and was never a truly viable pregnancy. I know it wasn't real. And I kind of wish that I would not have taken that test, and I would just be a little bummed.

I'll be fine. I am fine. Pants does a pretty good job at cheering me up - and gave me the sweetest little hug earlier.

Damn it. Better luck next month.

What the hell is wrong with my eggs?

I am not a religious person. 

At. All.

But I do have some nice Easter memories. My mom, my sister and I would sit any dye eggs for an afternoon. My mom is a KSU Wildcats freak, and she always wanted her purple egg to be pretty. She would stick her egg in the purple and leave it forever and ever. My sister and I were always to impatient and have really some pastel looking eggs at the end of the day. My mom would have a few vibrant, dark, just gorgeous eggs and Sister and I would solemnly vow that next year, we would be patient and have pretty eggs like Mom. Then we would repeat the process the next year. Good times. 

Well, I'm the mom now. So I decided to channel my mother and leave my eggs in for a long time and have all the pretty eggs. I carefully followed the instructions to make the dye - choosing vinegar since it promised the darkest eggs - and then carefully lowered my eggs in and let them sit forever. 

Holy crap. Am I ever disappointed. Here are my sad, sad eggs. 

What the hell man? I mean, the colors are ok - but they are splotchy with weird specks all over them. And the purple isn't even hardly purple - its blue and pink-ish. I was so sad! 

Ugly. 

I was actually kind of impressed that this one ended up look like a sun. It was absolutely not planned. 

I am not even sure how this is possible. Actually - yes I do. Aliens. The aliens did it. They are trying to tell me something. 

I called my mom to complain and ask her what the secret to the pretty eggs is. She told me that her eggs look like crap now, too. She says the dye is super cheap and they just look bad. 

Bummer. 

The Price of Being Honest

We took Pants to get his one year pictures taken a couple weeks ago (I know, I know, really late. Shut up.)

It was a very "eh" experience. The lady was pushy and odd - she talked a lot and seemed to have no sense of time. We were there for over two hours, which for a teeny man - is an eternity. Pants started in a sweater, t-shirt, jeans, socks, and dress shoes and ended up in just his jeans and t-shirt by the end of it. The people who were waiting for us to be finished acted like they wanted to kill us. We spent WAY too much money on the pictures - for a "package deal" of course. Saves money. Yeah.

The pictures turned out fantastic though, I have a cute freaking kid!

When we were getting ready to pay - we discovered the computers were down. We could not get my card to scan. The picture lady gave me the disc (with the rights to print) and asked me to come back and pay when my prints were delivered.

Well, she called and said my prints were in - and I ran right down to pick up my adorable pictures. Picture lady says "Oh my god, I am SO GLAD to see you. As soon as I let you out the doors with that disc I just knew I was never going to see you again. I am so relieved you came back. Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Then she talked my ear off for about half an hour while some poor pissed off baby and her increasingly pissed off parents waited for her to come back.

Then she gave me 50 bucks off and some extra prints! Woohoo! It pays to be honest!

Now - not to toot my own horn or anything, but I seriously, never for a moment, thought about not going back. It just was not something that I would have considered. Even if I wasn't crazy about the experience - I did get a service, she performed it, and I was going to pay for it. End of story.

As I left Sears, prints in hand, feeling really good about myself - I realized - that if I WOULD have been an asshole and just printed them off of my disc - I could have easily saved 100 bucks. Probably more. Damn. I would have hated myself every time I passed one of the pictures on my wall though. I supposed that is the price of being honest. (I'm kidding. I know it was the right thing - and I would do it again tomorrow if I had to.)

What I really want though is a really fancy new digital camera so that I don't have to pay other people to take these darn pictures. (Hey - husband. Take note. Five year anniversary this year. Just sayin. Love you.)

P.S - Its my birthday. I'm old.