Seriously - bona fide insane. Nuthouse certifiable.
Did I mention that Pants is 5 1/2 months old? He is. He was born at the end of January. He is pretty much a brand spanking new person.
And last night - we sent in the solider with no helmet on. Did you understand that euphemism? Ok, we sent the dude out in the rain with no raincoat. Still not following me?
We had unprotected sex. Yup. Say it - I'm crazy right.
See, we have always wanted two kids. Well, that is so not true. I didn't want children at all. But TJ did, and so we made a deal. We agreed that we would not try not to have kids, as long as we didn't actively try to. My mother had a hard time conceiving her children. She had two, and never was able to get pregnant without some kind of outside intervention. I was secretly hoping that I had some sort of issue from her.
For a while, I thought I did. It took us about 8 months of not trying - trying to become with child. And we had always said we would have zero or two. We didn't want an only child - and we didn't want to be outnumbered. So two it was.
However, I HATED pregnancy. Not even exaggerating. I also don't hate a lot of things. I believe hate is a wasted emotion. That if you hate something you are so much better off just cutting it out of your life. Hate is a strong emotion, and requires a lot of time, energy and head space. My theory is if you dislike something- don't give it that power. Just get rid of it.
That is not possible when you are pregnant. Its part of you, in every sense of the word. The only cure is delivery - which for a first timer is so scary. I don't think I had a hard pregnancy, at least compared to other horror stories I have heard. But it wasn't a cake walk either. I was a constant, low level nauseous the first 3-4 months. Smells would send me running to the bathroom to get rid of what little food I had been able to choke down. I worked on my feet, full time, so the swelling was out of control. We had to come up with a new term for my legs - I didn't have cankles - I had kanankles. It was one solid mass from knee down. I developed gestational diabetes and was on a diet the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I was meaner than a snake, and I cried at the drop of a hat.
Back to the point. Now that we have one baby, I was not sure that I wanted another. That was shot down quickly. Dammit.
We have both decided that we want to be done before we turn 31. So we have 3 years to get pregnant again. Now the decision is just when to have one.
The pros of getting knocked up right away:
1. Pants would be so young that he would never know any different. Chances are the kids will be best friends ( we are hoping for another boy) The jealousy would hopefully be low to non-existent.
2. We would be done will all of the annoying baby stuff earlier. Diapers, formula, baby purees, no sleep, all of it.
3. They would be close in school. Would be able to do sports together. All sorts of fun things.
The cons of getting preggo -
1. I hate being preggo.
2. What if I have a girl?
3. I love that right now I am able to give Pants all the attention he could ever want. I am loving our little family dynamic.
4. Pants may be old enough to understand whats going on and be helpful with a new baby.
Ugh. We basically decided to leave it up to fate. It took us a while last time, so what if it does this time? We are going to leave it up to biology, god, Dumbledore - or whatever it is that makes the universe tick.
Knowing my luck - I'm pregnant.
Son of a bitch.
I must be nuts.
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