Car Seat Conundrum

Our itty-bitty Pants baby (my god, I will embarrass the shit out of him when he gets old. It shall be awesome) is not so itty-bitty anymore.

In the last 3 weeks that monster is crawling, sitting up on his own, and now is pulling up on things. I keep expecting him to stroll into the room and ask me for the car keys - cause he has a hot bitch waiting for him to take her to the Red Lobster. Its terrifying.

As he is now practically living on his own, he is getting too big for his little carrier car seat. He can also sit up on his own now, so he can sit up on carts and stuff at the store, so the little carrier isn't as necessary. So we decided to make the huge leap to convertible car seat ownership.

Is it too late to return the child? Nothing is worth this pain in the ass.

We have two vehicles.  He have a 2001 Ford Explorer Sport Trac and a 2009 Toyota Yaris.

Since I am a stay at home mom, I consider it part of my duties to make sure that our dollars go the furthest they possibly can. So I immediately went to my favorite place. Sams Club.  Hell to the yeah. Sams Club has single-handedly  cut our formula and diaper bill in half. So I got the only car seat they had available. It was 100 dollars - but it functions all the way up to 100 pounds as a booster. (The fact that we now expect our children to be in a car seat until 13 or 100 pounds is a whole 'nother story. I mean, I'm all for safety - but my sister is STILL not 100 pounds and she is 22.) So I bought it and headed home.

TJ and I installed it that night after Pants went to sleep.  First of all, its been over 100 here for 19 straight days, with no end in sight. It rarely gets under 85 at night. Its terrible. Thinking this would be as easy-peasy as the carrier, we just headed outside. After 15 minutes of searching and still not finding where the hell the seat belt threads through, we gave up and stomped inside to read the manual. I consider this a big step for TJ. I think reading the instructions was a physically painful experience.

We read the manual front and back. I can't imagine how we didn't find the tiny little hole that threads UNDER the cover, so that you have to practically take apart the whole damn seat just to install it. After a struggle where I was perched in the seat while TJ yanked on the strap we finally got it tight enough. Dum, dum, dum - the level dealio on the side said it was not reclined enough. So we shoved THREE towels under the front end of the freaking thing and then repeat the sitting/yanking process and its in.

As we had a beer to celebrate our hard-fought victory, TJ said to me - if you think I am switching that thing from car to car - you are fucking crazy.

So Sams Club gets 100 extra dollars.

Two nights later - we are prepared for battle in my car. Thinking we are way ahead of the curve having done this once already - we even decide to give it a go while Pants is awake.

Since the Yaris is newer- it has the fancy latch system that is supposed to make everything a breeze. We could not get it tight enough no matter what. So we used the belt. Still not tight enough. We moved it to a side - where it makes it so you have to hump the dash if you are in front of the seat. And them the belts pull weird and Pants would be riding on his left side. We finally admitted defeat.

I returned the stupid thing to Sam's where they would only give me a gift card. Ugh. I mean, I know Ill use it - I just could use that money towards the other seat I have to buy.

Google informed me that ONLY TWO car seats in ALL of EXISTENCE fit in the Yaris. And of course one is 300 dollars. I read up on the 160 dollar one and it seems like people like it. And I will be DAMNED if I spend 300 dollars on a car seat.  The only kicker is neither seat functions as a booster - so I will have to buy yet ANOTHER sear when that time comes. Le sigh. Whatever.

Amazon was out of stock. Target had only a pink one. I didn't think Pants would appreciate that. He already has these stunning eyelashes and people call him "she". I don't need to add to the complex for the poor kid. Wal-Mart was a success! And I got a gender neutral one until I remembered he would be in the damn thing way to long for a younger sibling to use it and we would have to buy two more whenever we have another baby. What - fucking - ever. Wal-Mart only had it online - but would ship it site-to-store for no charge. Fine. When can I pick it up?

3 weeks. Oh. Em. Motha. Effeing. Gee.

I think he can just roll around in the back there right? I mean we all did and we survived!

I hope I'm not pregnant - I don't think I can handle having to be a family with FOUR different car seats for TWO kids. Not including infant seats and boosters. Plus, by the time I have another, the guidelines will be in a booster until 6 foot tall and and 185 pounds. My seats will have "expired" and I will have to start all over.

What a racket.