Notorious Nineteen

Time for another book review!

This time its Notorious Nineteen by Janet Evanovich.

Um.....

I'm torn. Part of me is the loyal reader who loves this series - and the other part of me is freaking bored.

There isn't a point in my running down the plot for you. If you have read any of the other 18 books you know exactly what happens here. Cars blow up, Stephanie is caught between Joe and Ranger, Bob still eats everything, Lula's spandex is too tight, and Rex is still alive. How in the hell does a hamster live this long??

Look - the series is funny. Its fluff. But it used to be GOOD. My favorite was Hard Eight - which was hysterical and Stephanie and Ranger slept together. So I went back and just read the descriptions for all the books on Goodreads - and I realized that not a damn thing has actually happened since then.

I will continue to read these books as long as she writes them - but only because I feel like I have to at this point. I feel like I need to know if any thing is going to get resolved. I really hope that the 20th book is the final one - and Stephanie and Joe either shit or get off the pot. I want them to get a house and a kid - I want Lula to learn to dress, Rex to die, Vinnie to get divorced and close up shop, and all of these characters to actually have to move on with their lives. I am bored with it - I can't even imagine how bored they must be.

Paradise Thy Name Is...

Zofran.

Seriously.

After throwing up so much the last couple days that I can't even count - I begged my doctor for something. Anything. Take out my stomach. I don't care. Help.

She gave me Zofran - and while I don't feel perfect - I haven't puked, and I can walk around! I ate something. I almost feel like a human again.

I could make out with my doctor. I love her. She always has the best drugs.

Lame Excuse

It is not like anyone reads this- and if by chance they do - I probably don't know you in real life. But still.

I'm pregnant. Cue jumping up and down cheering.

Except no. I am nauseous from the second I wake up to the second I go to sleep. I am sleeping like crap and I can't poop. I forgot how much I hate being pregnant.

This time I have some extra motivation though - I look at the perfect little Pants that is bouncing around and I remember how wonderful the result is. That is what I do it for.

Sorry I am being lame about writing. But I feel like dirt and don't have anything funny to say. Plus I don't drag myself off the couch enough to have an experience to actually write about it.

I suppose you will hear from me in - like - March.

Delirium

This is the first book I have read since I starting doing reviews that I didn't care for. I'm actually a little excited - I get to rant!

I just finished Delirium by Lauren Oliver. I had not really heard much about this book - but I had heard a lot about Oliver. Her debut book Before I Fall is supposed to be incredible. But it isn't sci-fi-y at all, so I opted for her dystopian trilogy. I think I chose wrong.

(Spoilers!)

This is the story of Lena. She lives in a not too distant future where the government has decided that love is a disease and needs to be eradicated. When kids are 18 they are evaluated, then matched with a partner, then they undergo a brain surgery to "cure" them from love. Then they go through life blissfully happy.

Lena can't wait for the cure - her mom had undergone the cure 3 times and it hadn't worked. She ended up killing herself instead of going through the procedure again. Lena's friend - Hana - has discovered some on-line friends who party and listen to the wrong music and hang out with the opposite sex. Lena meets Alex - who she thinks is cured - and starts to have feelings for him. She finds out that he is not cured - he is actually from the Wilds beyond the fences around the city. They fall in love - and Alex has discovered through his visiting the prison that Lena's mother may be alive.

They sneak in to see her only to find out she escaped. Lena feels betrayed by everyone and decides to run off with Alex into the Wilds. They are discovered before they can go - and Lena's cure is moved up. She manages to escape - Alex arrives on a motorcycle just in time - and Lena makes it over the fence. Alex doesn't. Lena is running through the Wilds injured. The end.

I have several issue with this book. First - the pace is SLOW! So freaking SLOW! Lena discovers she likes music. That takes up like a chapter. Lena and Hana fight. That takes 3. The end is pretty exciting - but it takes over 400 pages to get there - and when I got there - it felt forced. They are careening around on a motorcycle - driving through blockades of armed guards like they are in the Fast and the Furious or some shit. It seemed a little much.

Then - this cure happened about 60 years ago. 60 years does not seem long enough to have gotten the entire population under control and for no one to remember that love didn't kill people. I just don't buy that the entire USA is behind fences, happy, submitting to brain surgery without a care in the world. Nope.

I also got really tired of hearing about how "ordinary" Lena is. She doesn't think she is pretty. She isn't tall - she isn't that smart. She can run - but that is it. I just hate how in ALL of these YA stories - its a girl who isn't the most gorgeous - but the gorgeous perfect boy loves her anyway. I know that they do it so the 16 year old normal girl reading the story thinks "Ohemgee! This could totes be me!" but it doesn't work that way. Way to sell books, though.

Finally - and this is the worst - but I know Oliver is a beautiful writer - but holy balls - she is so wordy. Girlfriend loves a simile. Every feeling was felt as though it was the first time she had ever been mad, happy, sad, anything. I know as a teen you get mood swings - but damn.

Shit like this:

"The farmhouse and the old barn are positioned in a dip of land between two hills, a mini valley, like the buildings are sitting right in the middle of somebody's pursed lips."

Really - the building weren't just sitting in a valley? Now I have a weird image of monopoly houses sitting in my mouth.Or Lena describing being drunk as out of control or "the way my thoughts seemed to break apart like a mist in the sun." I understood at out of control - but thanks for the visual.

Then there was my favorite - when Lena and Alex are in the Wilds and he is reading poetry:

"I close my eyes and listen. The feeling I had before of being surrounded by warmth swells and crests inside of me like a wave. Poetry isn't like any writing I've ever heard before. I don't understand all of it, just bits of images, sentences that appear half-finished, all fluttering together like brightly colored ribbons in the wind."

And just a page later:

"He speaks on, words washing over me, the way that sun-light skips over the surface of water and filters into the depths below, lighting up the darkness. I keep my eyes closed. Amazingly, I can still see the stars: whole galaxies blooming from nothing - pink and purple suns, vast silver oceans, a thousand white moons."

Oh. Em. Motha. Effing. Gee.

Seriously?? She sees feels whole oceans and sees dancing ribbons AND whole galaxies from a poem? By the end of the damn book I had a headache from rolling my eyes so freaking hard at whatever feeling was slamming into Lena at the moment.

The pros for me were that it ended strong enough to hook me. I want to know what happens to Lena in the Wilds and if she ever finds her mom. I kind of hope that Alex is dead so I get away from the chick who sees stars all the time - but I know he isn't. I'm not that lucky. Bella Swan didn't die when I wanted her to, either.

Writer's Block

I didn't want my blog to feel lonely. But - I can't come up with a single clever thing to say. So here it sits.

Is it called writer's block if you aren't really a writer?

The thing that I like writing about the most is books...I am debating just turning it into a book blog. That would take away my ranting capability though. I do love a good rant.

Argh. I'm around. I'm just not funny or clever at the moment. I'll keep you posted.

Fix the Damn Roads!

I have started walking in my quest to lose weight (10 pounds down!).

I just have one small request from the city of Salina, KS-  please take care of the DAMN ROADS.

I have yet to find a route that has a sidewalk that is passable by stroller, and the asphalt doesn't rattle Pants' teeth out. I really don't want to have to load up my stroller and everything a drive somewhere else to walk. I live in a nice neighborhood - I don't see why I can't just head out of my front door.

I have really been wanting a jogging stroller for the limestone path they have here - but I think I am going to need one just to make sure that Pants doesn't get shaken baby syndrome.

Gotta Learn Somehow

We have been trying to let the teeny man feed himself more....it is going swell.

See?

Awesome.